What is dependent personality disorder?
Dependent personality disorder (DPD) is a mental health condition that involves an excessive need to be taken care of, an intense fear of separation, and persistent clingy behavior. People who have DPD often struggle with making everyday decisions on their own, and this can have negative effects on relationships and daily life.
DPD is a cluster C personality disorder, which means it involves anxious and fearful thoughts and behaviors that can significantly impact your functioning and well-being. For example, a person with DPD may be scared to assert themselves at work or share their opinions with a spouse because they fear being rejected or abandoned. They may rarely get their needs met, or even tolerate mistreatment or abuse because they’re so afraid to speak up. They might also become overly reliant on others to support them or make decisions for them, which can put a strain on relationships.
If you have a loved one with this personality disorder, you may feel overwhelmed by how much they rely on you. You likely wish that they could build confidence, foster healthier relationships, and feel empowered to take control of their life.
If you’re a person with DPD, you may have similar frustrations with yourself. You may be tired of feeling anxious about potential abandonment or depressed about your lack of self-confidence. You might wish you could summon the courage to escape the cycle of dependency.
Dependent personality disorder symptoms go beyond codependency, which is an unhealthy dynamic that shows up in specific relationships. For instance, a codependent wife might idealize her husband and push herself to “fix” all of his problems or do everything for him.
DPD, on the other hand, is a diagnosable mental condition in which the over-reliance on others seems like an unshakable trait. The dependence endures, even as the person moves through multiple relationships. Despite the stubbornness of the symptoms, DPD can be managed and a fuller sense of independence is always possible. It starts with understanding the symptoms, causes, and paths to treatment.
Dependent personality disorder symptoms and diagnosis
Everyone needs a little help sometimes. However, dependent personality disorder involves an intense, persistent, and problematic reliance on other people. If you have DPD you likely struggle with passivity, poor self-perception, and clinginess.
Passivity and submissive behavior. You only feel comfortable when other people are taking care of you or making decisions for you. When you have to act alone, you feel frozen with fear. You might avoid leaving the house, cooking food, or starting an exercise routine until someone comes along and acts as a caretaker.
Poor self-perception. Beneath the submissive behavior is a lack of self-confidence. You likely don’t trust yourself to make the right moves or decisions. You view others as more resilient, competent, and capable than you.
Clinginess. The thought of being abandoned or left to figure things out on your own terrifies you. You might feel like everything will fall apart if you don’t cling tightly to others. This allows some people to mistreat or take advantage of you, while others may push you away in frustration. If you perceive a threat to your relationship—maybe your friend starts to connect with another person—you might lash out.
DSM-5 diagnostic criteria for dependent personality disorder
Symptoms of DPD typically show up by early adulthood. If you turn to a medical provider for a diagnosis, they will consider whether your symptoms meet five or more of the following dependent personality disorder criteria from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5):
- Difficulty making everyday decisions alone. You might ask for advice on what to eat for breakfast. Or maybe you need your spouse to tell you which coworkers you should befriend or where you should go during your morning jog.
- Need others to take on responsibility for your life. You might rely on others to tell you where to live, what job to take, or when to seek medical attention. You don’t trust yourself to make the correct responsible decision, so you let others do it for you.
- Difficulty expressing disagreement. Fear of being rejected makes it hard for you to tell a friend that you’ve already repaid them for lunch. Or maybe you go along with their plan to steal from someone, even though you personally believe it’s wrong.
- Inability to initiate projects on your own. You might feel motivated to try a home improvement project, but a lack of self-confidence stops you. You procrastinate until someone else comes along to give you direction.
- Excessively seeking support, even if you get hurt in the process. Maybe you continue to spend time with a verbally abusive friend because you see them as a source of support. You don’t want to face the uncertainty that comes with ending the friendship and looking for other connections.
- Feeling helpless or uncomfortable when alone. You might refuse to drive alone because you fear you’ll get lost. You worry that you won’t be able to cope with the stress by yourself.
- Urgently seeking new relationships. After a breakup, rather than take time to focus on yourself, you fixate on finding someone else to cling to.
- Fixation on being abandoned. You constantly worry about what you’d do if your spouse left you or if your close friend moved away. The thoughts cause you distress and make you even clingier.
A medical provider will likely look at your medical history and use clinical interviews to reach a diagnosis. They might also use self-report assessments, such as the Interpersonal Dependency Inventory or Five-Factor Dependency Inventory.
Co-occurring conditions
DPD commonly co-occurs with other personality disorders as well as other diagnosable conditions. A mental health expert might check for the presence of eating disorders, anxiety disorders, depression, substance abuse, or drug addiction. When you also have a co-occurring condition, it can exacerbate your symptoms and make treatment more challenging.
Similar conditions
DPD can also be mistaken for these conditions with similar symptoms:
Aside from personality disorders, DPD can also be mistaken for conditions like mood disorders, agoraphobia, and panic disorder.
Causes of dependent personality disorder
The exact causes of DPD aren’t fully understood, but they likely involve a combination of genetic, biological, and environmental factors.
One study found that dependent personality disorder appears to be, to some extent, hereditary. If you have a family member with DPD, you are also more at risk for the condition.
Environmental factors, such as childhood experiences, might also contribute to the development of DPD. For instance, if your parents were overprotective or authoritative, you might have had a harder time developing a sense of independence. Instead of feeling self-confident and autonomous, you might have learned to let others control your actions.
In general, traumatic childhood experiences, such as emotional neglect or physical abuse, can also increase a person’s risk of developing a personality disorder.
Some research connects dependent personality disorder to an insecure attachment style. Attachment style is influenced by your early interactions with a caregiver or parent. If your caregiver provided inconsistent care—sometimes they were responsive, and other times they were unavailable—you may be more anxious that others will ultimately abandon or reject you. This leads to needy behavior associated with DPD.
Treatment for dependent personality disorder
Although, like other personality disorders, DPD can’t be cured, many of the problematic behaviors can be managed. In addition, people with DPD tend to have more self-awareness and willingness to comply with treatment when compared with other personality disorders.
Psychotherapy
Psychotherapy tends to be the cornerstone of DPD treatment. It may include cognitive-behavioral therapy and psychodynamic therapy.
Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) focuses on how thoughts, feelings, and behaviors influence one another. Once you understand the connections, you can make adjustments. For example, you might examine how your fear of abandonment prevents you from disagreeing with your partner.
Psychodynamic therapy explores the connection between past experiences and negative thoughts and assumptions. For instance, with the help of a therapist, you might reflect on how your controlling parents have negatively influenced your lack of self-confidence when making your own decisions. This type of therapy may decrease your distress and help you develop healthier social habits.
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Medication
No medication is specifically approved for DPD. However, certain drugs, such as anxiety medication or antidepressants, may be used to help treat related symptoms or co-occurring conditions.
Coping tips for dependent personality disorder
Aside from professional treatment options, you can take other steps to cope with your DPD symptoms. Most of these steps involve building your own abilities—learning to set goals, voice your needs, problem-solve, manage negativity, and care for yourself. However, the very first step challenges you to build healthy social support, without becoming too reliant on others.
Tip 1: Find support
People with personality disorders often wrestle with feelings of loneliness. You may believe that you’re the only one who feels the way you do, or you may frequently feel misunderstood. Despite an intense desire to rely on others, people with DPD actually tend to have less social support. Others might feel uncomfortable with your submissive attitude and behaviors.
It’s important to build a support network without becoming overly dependent.
Try out support groups. Support groups allow people with similar conditions to share their stories, resources, and coping strategies. Search for online and in-person groups. If you can’t find groups for DPD, look for ones aimed at related issues, such as anxiety disorder.
Diversify your social support. People with DPD often rely entirely on a single person. In addition to becoming more self-reliant, you can aim to widen your network of support. You can potentially make new friends by joining volunteer groups or engaging in social hobbies and activities (such as a book club or running club).
Choose friends who support your growth rather than enable dependent behaviors. It’s good to have supportive friends, but when people are over eager to do everything for you, an unhealthy dynamic can emerge. Look for people who can role model confidence and independence and who show a desire to improve themselves.
Tip 2: Set small, achievable goals
If you have DPD, you likely struggle to feel confident in your own abilities. Even a seemingly small task, such as trying out a recipe, may seem insurmountable. Setting and hitting small goals can help you gradually build confidence in specific areas.
Use the SMART method. Set goals that are specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound. Some examples:
- Instead of saying, “I want to cook for myself,” go with a more specific and time-bound objective. “I want to make French toast for breakfast on Saturday morning.”
- Instead of saying, “I want to paint my house soon,” set a more achievable and measurable goal. “I want to paint a wall in my room over the course of next week.”
- Instead of saying, “I want to be more relaxed,” a more specific and relevant goal might be, “Tomorrow, I want to create a list of steps to manage my panic attacks.”
Start with low stakes. Instead of trying to make breakfast for multiple people, start by cooking for yourself. Doing so will take some of the pressure off you.
Acknowledge your efforts. Even if you don’t reach the goal or you’re unsatisfied with the results, give yourself credit for trying. Consider what went right and what can be improved upon. More attempts will make you more comfortable and confident in the process.
Tip 3: Practice assertiveness
Out of fear of rejection, people with DPD typically hold back on expressing their wants and needs. You might tolerate mean-spirited jokes from a friend, for example, which further diminishes your self-esteem. Or you may allow coworkers to push extra work onto you, adding to your stress. Learning to be more assertive can be a major benefit.
Know the difference between being assertive and being rude. You might hold back on expressing yourself because you fear the other person will get upset and abandon you. Consider that there’s nothing wrong with asking for what you want. Problems arise when you lash out, disrespect other people’s boundaries, or make unrealistic demands.
Know what you want and need. When you have people-pleasing tendencies, it’s easy to conflate your wishes with those of others. Take a moment to write down some of your wants. These could be anything from, “I want less of the household chores” to “I don’t want to go to a loud bar tonight. I want a quiet evening at home.”
Practice saying “no.” You might politely decline to pay for someone else’s portion of the bill or pet sit when it’s inconvenient for you. Start with low-stakes situations if necessary. Learning to say “no” is a crucial step in setting boundaries, which are restrictions and expectations that keep you safe and comfortable in relationships.
Use “I” statements. This allows you to communicate your feelings without taking an accusatory tone. For example, say, “I feel stressed by these chores,” rather than, “You’re overwhelming me by assigning me all these tasks.”
Look for compromise. Sometimes your wants will clash with another person’s wants. The more you honestly express yourself, the more you’ll realize that this is inevitable. Rather than immediately caving into the other person’s demands, be willing to compromise. This might involve simply doing things separately.
Escape ongoing abuse. In severe cases, you might find yourself in abusive relationships where it feels impossible, or even dangerous, to stand up for yourself. It’s important to recognize the signs of abuse and come up with a safe action plan to leave. For instance, you can:
- Make a list of emergency contacts.
- Get a second cell phone that your abuser doesn’t know about.
- Change your passwords.
- Research domestic violence shelters.
Tip 4: Learn problem-solving skills
DPD often involves the assumption that others are more capable than you. You might turn to others for answers, even when it comes to simple issues. However, developing problem-solving skills can help you learn to tackle issues independently.
Define the problem. Imagine the power in your house has gone out, and your partner is at work.
Brainstorm potential solutions. Your go-to reaction might be to call your partner, even though there’s not much they can do from work. Other solutions might be to check with your neighbors, call the utility company, or use your phone to check its website for outages.
Weigh your options. It’s possible that the best path forward involves a combination of ideas. You could check to see if your neighbors are also in the dark, for example, contact the utility company, and then inform your partner.
Act. This step can be especially difficult when you’re used to other people solving your problems. Consider doing a quick stress relief technique, such as deep breathing, to calm yourself before you act. Don’t fixate on doing things perfectly. There’ll always be room for improvement.
Reflect on the results. What went smoothly? What do you need to work on? Maybe talking to your neighbors was easier than expected. Perhaps you procrastinated on acting longer than you needed to. Problem-solving is a trial-and-error process, so apply the lessons you’ve learned the next time.
Tip 5: Challenge negative thoughts
Self-defeating thoughts can get in your way of taking action or even setting goals. Learn to recognize and then reframe negative lines of thinking.
Catch the thoughts. You might regularly think things like, “I can’t do this on my own,” or “If my friend isn’t here, I won’t survive.” These are cognitive distortions, automatic negative thoughts that you’ll want to separate from objective facts.
Challenge the negative thoughts. If you think, “I always need my wife to take care of me,” look for examples that counter that narrative. You may have completed an important task without your spouse’s help or made an important decision on your own. Acknowledge that you’ve been self-reliant at times.
Replace the negative thoughts. Move beyond simply challenging them. Aim to replace them with thoughts that are either positive or neutral. For example, you might replace, “I’m too much of a coward to leave the house alone” with “I can become more comfortable with going for walks alone.”
Keep a journal. If you notice that a certain thought is especially common or frightening, write it down. Then, next to it on the same page, begin writing the counterpoints. Take a look at the journal anytime the thoughts distress you or keep you from taking action.
Tip 6: Engage in self-care
Self-care can encompass physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual practices that improve your health and bring you a sense of peace. If you have DPD, you likely have a tendency to put others before yourself. However, prioritizing self-care may help you build both your independence and self-esteem.
Follow your interests. Engage with hobbies and passions and look for ways to further your knowledge and skills. It’s important to make your own choices here. Ask yourself, “What do I truly enjoy doing?” instead of “What would other people like me to do?” Perhaps you love to dance and want to learn new moves. Or maybe language fascinates you, and you want to improve your skills.
Make time for relaxation practices. Relaxation techniques such as mindfulness, meditation, and yoga can help you to de-stress and manage anxiety. These might be especially useful before and after you challenge yourself to act or make big decisions alone. For instance, if you feel wound up after setting a boundary with a friend, you can calm yourself down with meditation. Over time, you’ll gain confidence in your own ability to cope with stressful situations and build resilience.
Practice physical self-care. Getting enough sleep, eating nutritional meals, and regularly exercising are all ways to improve your overall well-being. Some of the effects of these habits might also help you manage DPD. For instance, physical activity could boost your self-esteem if you set and gradually accomplish your goals. Exercise is also a way to boost your mood and lower anxiety. Meanwhile, getting restful sleep can improve emotional regulation.
Helping a loved one with dependent personality disorder
Dealing with a loved one who has DPD can be an overwhelming experience. You might feel exhausted when you’re the one who is always making decisions or taking care of them. They might cling to you in a way that makes you feel stifled. This can lead to frustration with their lack of confidence and have you wishing that they’d simply take control of their own life.
Here are some steps you can take to empower them while also protecting your own well-being:
Educate yourself. Learn as much as you can about their disorder. Engage with content made by people with DPD as well as content from experts in personality disorders. Familiarize yourself with the symptoms and coping strategies.
Encourage professional treatment. Point out ways in which a therapist might be helpful in treating your loved one’s specific symptoms. You might point out that therapy can help them reduce that fear of abandonment, easing their daily stress and constant worrying.
Promote independence. Give them opportunities to make decisions and act independently. Ask them to choose tonight’s entertainment or decide on their own clothing choice for the day.
Set healthy boundaries. A clingy loved one might demand your constant time and attention. Without healthy boundaries, you’ll eventually find yourself sapped of energy. State clear boundaries and stick to them. You might say, “I’m here to listen to you vent for 30 minutes, but I can’t offer advice on this subject.”
Avoid enabling. Practice saying “no” to unreasonable requests, such as directing them through basic decisions. When you constantly take the lead, you encourage their dependency.
Encourage positive self-talk. When they express self-doubt—“I can’t do this”—you might cite examples of times when they succeeded. When they experience failure—“I went for a drive alone and got lost”—you might frame the situation as a learning experience. “Now you have a better sense of where things are.”
Be patient and consistent. Personality disorder symptoms are incredibly persistent. Recognize that your loved one will experience setbacks. Maybe they seem to be getting more comfortable at making decisions then, a few weeks later, they seem just as indecisive as ever. Know that DPD will be a lifelong challenge, but focus on signs of improvement.
Seek support for yourself. Maintain your own social support, spend time engaging in solo hobbies, and look for ways to unwind. Remind yourself that it’s okay to take a break and focus on your own mental health.
Seeking help for DPD
Dependence personality disorder is a disruptive condition. It doesn’t just affect the individual with the disorder, but also those around them. As a personality disorder, the symptoms are incredibly persistent. But that doesn’t mean you or your loved one are trapped in a cycle of dependency. With the right treatment, it’s possible to become more independent and lead a fulfilling life.
Last updated or reviewed on April 21, 2025
