Marriage Therapy for Infidelity: Can Couples Heal After Betrayal?

The impact of infidelity on a marriage or relationship

Infidelity can damage even the most seemingly stable and happy relationship or marriage. It disrupts trust and intimacy, and the whirlwind of emotions often leaves both partners wondering if things can ever be the same again. Some research shows that infidelity is the most common reason behind break-ups. And even if a break-up doesn’t occur, there’s bound to be some degree of emotional fallout.

If you were cheated on, you might feel intense anger and frustration at your partner for breaking your trust. Or perhaps you feel alone in grieving what seemed like a safe and secure bond. If you were the one who had an affair, you might feel deep shame over your actions and fear that you’ll never deserve to be trusted again.

In either case, infidelity affects the emotional well-being of everyone involved. Self-esteem is dragged down, and depression and anxiety can set in. In some cases, the pain of betrayal can even lead to trauma, with symptoms showing up as flashbacks and emotional numbness.

Know that these reactions are natural responses to an incredibly painful situation. It’s important to seek support from friends and family and practice self-care. And, if you hope to heal your relationship, both you and your partner can consider meeting with a couples therapist.

How couples therapy helps after infidelity

Talking about events and emotions around infidelity can be extremely difficult, and it’s easy for such a conversation to spiral into heated and unproductive arguing. Couples therapy offers a safe and structured space for both you and your partner to talk openly and respectfully.

In couples therapy, the therapist can act as a moderator, helping prevent the conversation from turning into an argument or going off topic. They can also ensure that neither side dominates the conversation and that both of your perspectives are heard and your feelings acknowledged.

Therapy can help uncover underlying issues, such as unmet needs, insecurities, and deep incompatibilities, that may have contributed to the problem. This is only possible when you both feel like you can be vulnerable and honest. Then, you can aim to make changes that lead to growth and healing.

Although therapy can help, much of the work will also take place outside of the structured sessions. The therapist will give you tools and skills to practice at home and in your daily interactions with each other. For instance, you might learn ways to express your needs, set boundaries, and create shared rituals that rebuild trust.

Approaches commonly used in therapy after infidelity

Different therapists will use different approaches to help you and your partner communicate, heal, and move forward. Here are a few of those potential approaches:

Emotionally-Focused Therapy (EFT)

EFT, or EFCT (emotion-focused couples therapy), is a structured, short-term approach to couples therapy. The approach is based on attachment theory—which suggests that early experiences with caregivers can shape your view of later relationships. When it comes to addressing infidelity and broken trust, a therapist can help you understand the wound caused by an affair, identify the negative patterns in your relationships, and then work toward a more secure bond.

Some research shows that following an affair, EFT can be effective in improving intimacy and forgiveness while reducing feelings of marital burnout (chronic emotional and mental exhaustion).

Gottman Method

The Gottman Method is a research-based approach to couples therapy developed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman. It offers a three-phase structure—the Trust Revival Method—for healing after infidelity. The phases involve:

• Atonement, or acknowledging the hurt
• Attunement, which aims to foster emotional reconnection
• Attachment, or rebuilding trust and intimacy

This method might help improve emotional connection while helping you avoid destructive communication habits, such as unnecessary criticism, defensiveness, and stonewalling.

Trauma-informed therapy

This approach aims to recognize and address the deep emotional wounds that result from an extramarital affair. This might be especially helpful if you or your partner feels trapped and unable to move past painful memories of the experience. A therapist might turn to techniques such as eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) to help you work through troubling memories and feelings.

Individual therapy

Alongside couples therapy, you and your partner might also consider individual therapy sessions. This can support personal growth and healing and help you work through issues that may underlie relationship troubles. For instance, you might address loneliness or low self-worth in your sessions.

Whether you’re in couples sessions or one-on-one sessions, keep in mind that many therapists utilize techniques and frameworks from multiple types of therapy. So it’s possible that the provider you work with will combine approaches.

If you’d like to explore online therapy, we provide reviews and insights on highly rated online therapy platforms that can help you find a licensed professional.

Steps couples work through in therapy

Although the exact steps will vary depending on the type of therapy and your situation, a therapist will likely guide you through some of the following steps:

Openly acknowledging what happened. Healing starts with the unfaithful partner taking accountability for their actions. This can be a difficult step, because it’s often natural for a person to minimize or justify their behavior.

Processing pain. The therapist helps create a safe space for both partners to express their feelings and be heard.

Rebuilding trust. Through honesty, transparency, and consistent care, trust can be rebuilt. A therapist might recommend that you both take concrete steps to help establish a secure and predictable connection. For instance, you might have regularly scheduled emotional check-ins.

Reconnecting. Steps like creating shared goals or working on communication can also enhance your sense of intimacy with your partner. Slowly, you work toward feeling safe in the relationship again.

Decision-making. Therapy might also help you and your partner reflect on a crucial question: Should you stay together and repair the relationship? Or is parting ways the healthier option?

Have realistic expectations

Know that healing is unlikely to happen quickly. Depending on the situation, the people, and the feelings involved, the process might take months or even years. Both of you also need to be fully committed to therapy in order for it to work.

Not all relationships survive infidelity. One or both of you might decide that the damage is irreparable. However, even in that case, therapy can help you end the relationship with as little drama and emotional fallout as possible.

Finding a couples therapist after infidelity

Getting started with couples therapy might feel daunting, but many couples find it worth the effort. It starts with communicating with your partner. Your shared goal might be to recover from the affair and rebuild trust, but is there a specific therapy approach either of you has in mind?

You’ll also want to work together to find a therapist who makes you feel comfortable. Do you need a provider who has experience working with certain demographics, such as LGBTQ+ couples? Finally, checking a provider’s background and credentials will also give you both peace of mind that you’re working with an experienced professional.

Online therapy platforms can make your search for a therapist much easier. Many of them offer directories of licensed professionals or automatically match you with a therapist based on your needs. We’ve researched and tested numerous platforms that offer online couples therapy options. Our reviews and recommendations can help you and your partner decide on the service that best suits you.

Last updated or reviewed on February 2, 2026